The art of loving

For me to love and to hate something is an art. It needs certain skills in order to claim it and somehow it is us who need to decorate our life so that we can be surrounded either by love or by hate. Because life is a choice and since complaining won’t solve any problem then enjoying will at least make it fun.

Learning to love something is an experience. I used to be afraid of two things in general. The first thing was babies. I am terrified of babies. I don’t hate them since they are so cute but what my friends didn’t know was I am afraid of them. I think the babies can sense this. That’s the reason why every time I visited my friends who had children, they will scream and cry like crazy whenever they are near me. Maybe they can sense my negative energy so they just didn’t like me somehow. Lately I’m getting better with babies and toddlers. I can hold my friend’s babies now for more than 5 minutes and spend time playing with their toddlers. The reasons behind that is because I try to conquer my fear. So, whenever I go to see my friends with babies, I need to mentally prepared and tell my self to relax and remember that everything’s will be allright. Nowadays when I go and visit my friends with babies then I look at them in the eyes and those beautiful eyes create a different feeling that in one sense can be identify as love.

The second thing that i’m afraid of is changes. I didn’t like the fluidity of changes. I like stability surrounding me. I didn’t like the idea of having a short time relationship. I like relationship to be long lasting and try to make it that way even though I need to conceal my own unhappiness. Then when the only stability that I’ve known for eight years of my life broken apart, I realize that nothing is stable anymore. Fluidity and changes surrounding us are to be expected. This thing changed my perspective towards relationship. I view relationship as something that will ends. Either naturally by death of a partner. Or many other unnatural ways such as divorce, separation, infidelity, geographically challenge that caused infidelity, lost of feelings towards each other and millions of other things. So, nowadays I don’t really care about maintaining a relationship anymore. I just go with the flow. If I feel like it then go for it. If things doesn’t work then too bad and move on. If it meant to be then it meant to be and vice versa. After my longest institutionalized relationship didn’t work, my other relationships only lasted for three months in average. I told my (current) boyfriend that if we survive until end of this year, it will be the longest relationship that i’ve had after the ‘institution’ fell apart. We will be 17 weeks together by then. This speaks on many things in my life such as a place of living, jobs, and many other small things.

Somehow I learn to love the things that I used to be afraid of in my life. Things look less scarier when we are in it rather than we see it from afar. Just like some people opinion about Indonesia for example. The news about Indonesia sometimes can put off someone to visit the country. But when the same person decide to conquer his/her own fear and go there, most of them will return with a lovely memory. After all it’s not as scary. It’s even loveable and worth to be revisit.


One thought on “The art of loving

  1. I think 17 weeks speaks more for the volatility of your
    relationships than anything else. Still, sounds like you’re
    doing pretty well at the moment, so congratulations on that.

    I’m sure if you and I went to Indonesia together we’d return
    with some pretty lovely memories.

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