“Pernikahan itu ibarat masuk ke dalam terowongan yang gelap dan panjang. Berakhirnya sebuah pernikahan ibarat keluar dari terowongan pada ujung lainnya. Masalahnya sekarang apakah ujung lainnya itu adalah septic tank atau sungai yang jernih. Satu yang pasti adalah mereka nggak mungkin berakhir di dua tempat yang berbeda.”
The quotation above is from Mas Bambang (my ex-hubby). It’s translated as ‘A marriage is like entering a dark and long tunnel. The end of a marriage is like getting out in the other end of the tunnel. The problem is whether the end will be a septic tank or a clean river. One thing for sure is they won’t end up in two different places at the same time.’
My ex commented on my new relationship (yes.. I have a boyfriend now). He’s very happy for me as long as I am happy with myself and my decision. And it means that we’re ended at the clear water where both of us (hopefully) will be happier in our new relationship than the old one. Honestly, I felt so touched about his comment and his ways in taking things easily. He gave me many insights and opinion about my life. It was so nice to see him very calm and insightful. He reminded me of the main reason of me marrying him a few years ago.
My ex and I had a very good time together today. It wasn’t meant to be fun at all at the first place because I came to his place in order to help him with his packing. I thought he should be at the office by the time I came by. I almost changed my mind to help him today and procrastinate for a day or two but then after the gym, I thought it won’t do me any good to procrastinate so it’s better to get going with the project.
So there I was at his place, mapping the area first. Basically we need to sort out 6 main areas which are the books&stationaries, furniture+accessories, kitchen stuff, clothes, electronics and tidbits. Today we’ve done the books&stationaries but still halfway towards the clothing. Tomorrow I’ll work on the clothes and kitchen stuff. I can’t imagine that we (he) had so many things.
It is amazing to see how the things around us can create memories and effect our emotions. For example, I saw the designer clock that I’ve bought for our place. I remembered that I did a naughty impulsive buying just because I know that the clock would look marvelous in our living room. When I put the clock on the wall, I felt really good because it just right as I imagined it would be. Then, when my ex came home the first question he asked was the price of the clock. I lied to him by saying only a third of the price that I paid if for. At that time, I thought the price that I mentioned should be ‘all right’ in his term. But even so, he said ‘wow, it was too much’. Until now, since he still doesn’t know the real price for the clock, I smiled every time I saw the clock. In my mind, I can’t imagine how would he react when he know the real price of that clock. He might go ‘nuts’ with that and we’ll lost the joyful of having the nice clock in our living room. The same deal happened with some other little accessories in our place.
Now, it doesn’t matter anymore. The apartment smell very different compared with when I was living there. The aura, the vibe and everything is seemed to be out of place. Somehow, I feel sad alongside my laughters and talkative comments on many different things with my ex today. I feel sad because the things that I thought was important definitely means nothing at all. It does not matter whether the couch will match the coffee table and the pictures on the wall will enhance the look of the room. It doesn’t matter if we had a very nice and comfortable bed that costs us thousands of dollars. It doesn’t matter if we had nice top brands appliances. Nothing mattered when the relationship doesn’t work out anymore and we’re not together. The most important thing should be the togetherness of two soul not the materialistic things around us.
Now, I am in a ‘I don’t care’ mood in term of the things around me. I remembered my boyfriend asked me whether he should buy a new couch for the living room. If I were the old Shinta then I would gave a long opinion about what sort of couch should it be, the color, where he should put it, even to some extend draw a room prototype so he’ll be able to decide the size and place for the couch. But, the new Shinta just said ‘yeah.. it would be a good idea’ — this read as ‘well..honey, I don’t care because it doesn’t matter, I don’t care about the couch, paintings, or whether you have a plasma or not. What I care the most is our togetherness and if you don’t have enough couch for me to sit in, I’ll sit on the floor. It doesn’t matter.’ I didn’t tell Kev the above between the lines meaning yet I hope he’ll understand, and I’m sure as time goes by he’ll understand my concept.
There are several things that I’ve learned after the divorce. I’ve talked about this with my ex and he agreed with my opinion. A; I learn that trust is the core foundation in a relationship. When a trust has been broken, it’s just like that spoil corner in a nice crystal glass. It can’t be repaired anymore. My ex trusted me so much and I thought that I carried out the trust well yet we were not talking about the same page of the book. So, even though with trust, we need to make sure that we both understand the boundaries and limitation. B; I learn that money, possession and things around us don’t buy us happiness. I know that everyone seems to know this stuff but many people I know still ‘trapped’ in their own circle of monetary values and boundaries. I thought that if we had the nicest thing around us we will be happy. If we work very hard and buy more things (nicer car, bigger apartment, clubs membership, gold credit cards, etc) it will make us happier. Well, it does create an illusion for happiness yet not the real happiness itself. I realize that my happiest moment with my ex was when we had very little things around us. Basically what we had was only ‘us’. We didn’t have anything, everything was rented and very simple. Yet we were very happy because we had each other. I sang stupid songs, dance stupid movements, and did lots of things to keep us entertained because we can’t afford to go to a movie and have someone else entertained us.
Now, since we have arrived at the end of the other tunnel. I believe that we’re both going to swim and have fun with the clean (hopefully drinkable) water at the end of the tunnel. I am currently feeling the clean water yet very vigilant in swimming on it. Sometimes, I still reflect on what happened on that dark tunnel and wondering why should it be dark at all. There should be light on that tunnel. Today, when I spent time with my ex, I think we did have some light on that dark tunnel after all.